Movie Review: Abominable (2020) | HNN

SYNOPSIS:

A scientific expedition team searching in the Himalayan mountains for a rare plant that can change the face of modern medicine is being hunted by a territorial yeti.

REVIEW:

As I was working on this review in my head, I had a few intros that I was considering but could not pick one.

Option 1: How do you review a movie that is almost as bad as “Birdemic: Shock and Terror”, but not nearly as entertaining?

Option two: What can I say about a movie that sums up my thoughts with its own title – “Abominable”?

First, what the heck is “Abominable” (2020)?

After seeing an old guy chased through a snow-covered pasture before something attacks him, we get a team sent to find the same guy who has been beaten in the scene before the opening of credits. It seems that the old guy was a doctor who was looking for the rare Yeti plant that can cure everything and make everyone immortal. Of course. This team establishes itself in a building in the great center of freaking nowhere, according to the dialogue. During exhibition dumps, we learn that they have to set up beacons for extraction, the surrounding area is unexplored, a time anomaly may be nearby, and – oh, yes, a huge storm is blowing in. No pressure, right?

The team splits to place beacons that look like small bench-grinders with the protective shields still in place. Yeti attacks various people including a completely random guy. Lots of back and forth while characters spew jargon-laced verbal diarrhea that would be considered ridiculous in a Jerry Warren or Robert L. Lippert giggle party. Conversations that start, freeze, restart, enter non-sequitur data, and then continue with awkward and enthusiastic nods and blinkers.

There are betrayals and victims (of the actors ‘agents and of the actors’ careers, respectively). Rifles are fired in the empty space. A few poor souls get ripped up in big scenes that do not do the decent makeup effects justice. Announcements of new deaths are met with little more than random tremors. People with presumed military training have no idea how to properly hold and / or carry weapons.

For the love of all that is holy! How was the building in the middle of freaking nowhere built? There is clearly a WAY in this enormous nothingness, but no one knows of this location with uncharted areas and a terrific TIME ANOMALIZATION? Were the builders bothered by the Yeti? And is the Yeti not in the Himalayas? If this team is there, how does a local U.S. sheriff’s office show up at some point?

Wow.

When we ask questions, why does the film show filming locations in Poland and Russia, but show the principle of outdoor photography done in Massachusetts? From the look of the film, it was filmed in an empty park activity building and the same three acres of trees viewed from different angles. I mean, fixing that expense level on a movie that the filmmakers had to know was streaming service feed? Very strange.

Pardon. Ran over. Back to “Abominable” (2020).

Let me be an inappropriate man and say that the true highlight of this film is the lead actress, Katrina Mattson, who plays Sarah, a former Special Forces agent. She is quite appealing, although this film does not show her best. In terms of acting, this movie is not a shining example to put on top of your demo wheel. I can blame either the lead-heavy dialogue that is either filled with technical nonsense or so sparse that the grunt would have been better, or limping direction. Instead of trying to become a white knight (or is it “simping”?) For Ms. Mattson, let me say she would make a great post-college Velma Dinkley for any indie filmmaker with the courage to make a live-action Scooby Doo clone.

I understand that every movie is not going to look like some high-end Hollywood production, and I honestly try to cut indie filmmakers as loose as humanly possible (most of the time). “Abominable” (2020) just feels like it’s trying to be the worst Yeti / Bigfoot movie since “Shriek of the Mutilated” in 1974, and it’s getting pretty close. Even “Mutilated” had a cooler monster outfit than this movie, and the original cut had “Popcorn” by Hot Butter on the soundtrack. Not such luck here.

“Abominable” (2020) is a movie that only the most insanely obsessed Yeti / Bigfoot fanatics should seek out. Everyone else would be better off fixing your linen closet or cleaning your fridge for unintentional biological experiments.