Posted on Jun – 21 – 2022
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At one level in The New Adventures of Cinderella, which I coated final time, the evil stepmother (Josiane Balasko) consults her magic mirror (I suppose that is standard-issue for evil stepmothers; perhaps it’s an MLM scheme), however she has forgotten her password, as a result of it’s humorous when magical objects act like smartphones. One of many restoration questions is her favourite film. She seems to be round to ensure she’s alone, then whispers in a barely audible tone: “Les Tuche… 2.”
Such is the fame of The Tuche Household that an abjectly poor movie like The New Adventures could make it the butt of one in all its jokes. It’s pure hypocrisy, I’d add, since Cinderella got here from the identical creatively bankrupt minds that introduced us Aladdin and Alad’2, the place Jean-Paul Rouve—Jeff Tuche himself—performs the Vizier, of “Fuck the Vizier” fame. Part of the joke is that there’s in some way a couple of Tuche movie. In actual fact, in our timeline, there are 4 Tuche movies—that’s one for each season, one for each canonical Gospel, and one for each loaded chamber in my subsequent sport of Russian roulette. Having as soon as caught the unique on tv within the dying embers of a long-forgotten Christmas, I needed to put my finger on the outsize reputation of a collection that exhausted its premise inside twenty minutes of the primary installment.
And what’s that premise, precisely? The Tuche household consists of Jeff (Rouve), all the time sporting a fanny pack* and a haircut that strikes the golden imply between a mullet and a Jewfro.
He has a spouse, Cathy (Isabelle Nanty), and three youngsters: wannabe gangsta rapper Wilfried (Pierre Lottin), ditzy Stéphanie (Sarah Stern), and little one prodigy Donald (Théo Fernandez). Oh, and mealy-mouthed Grandma Suze (Claire Nadeau). Jeff is jobless by alternative, and his household is poor… not less than, till Cathy wins the lottery. They pack up their luggage and head to Beverly Monaco. Then the USA, the Élysée Palace, and again to their fictional hometown of Bouzolles. Does that sound just like the worst factor on the earth? Let’s crack open the door to Room 101 and see what’s inside…
The Tuche Household (Les Tuche, Olivier Baroux, 2011)
That is the story of a younger man named Don—Donald Tuche, alias Quack-quack, due to the duck. It is a blissful reminder that in 2011 Donald Duck could be the primary level of reference for that title (their neighbors in Monaco, the Assads, don’t fare as effectively). Not that he has a lot in widespread with the opposite Donald. Whereas he has the temperament of a pre-adolescent and his household is a clown present, the youngest Tuche is each market-savvy and able to making sensible investments. He’s additionally our narrator, introducing us within the opening minutes to the remainder of his household. Then he explains how his mom received the lottery on the level the place, in a traditional movie, the primary act could be. Narrative effectivity! The very best effectivity! Super!
Similar to that, everyone seems to be now in Monaco. Over the course of ninety languid minutes, nothing will occur. Actually nothing. The film feints within the route of a parable about studying how household is extra vital than cash, however it by no means rises to the extent of getting a plot. They simply spend their cash on frivolities (a mansion, a Photomaton, a meals truck) till they go broke. It’s not even a collection of sketches, for that will suggest the existence of jokes. The movie isn’t simply unfunny. Its gags are, structurally, not jokes. There’s rather a lot to select from, so I’ll stick to these which will probably be of some consequence for future movies.
The weirdest recurring gag in the whole collection is that Jeff Tuche doesn’t know methods to pray. Within the first movie, he forgets the phrases to the “Our Father.” That’s it. That’s the joke. One other factor about Jeff is that he loves fries. I don’t know if that’s even purported to be a gag. However fries function prominently in each installment. Then there’s his behavior of repeating issues one million occasions for comedian emphasis. This additionally occurs in each movie. Right here is an instance from the unique, when he corrects an actual property agent who calls him “Monsieur Fuche.” I’ve tried to seize the musicality of the unique in my translation:
And me, I’m Tuche, with a “T.” As in: There you might be. You’re there, you’re there otherwise you’re not there. You’re not there? Then the place are you? The place are you? You’re not there? You’re not there? The place are you? Ah, you’re there! You’re there otherwise you’re not there with a “T,” like Tuche, like “There you might be.” Tuche, there you might be.
And so forth.
As for Wilfried, he types himself “Tuche Daddy,” wears ostentatious bling, and drives round in a Humvee. He’s additionally revealed to be homosexual within the very first scene he seems with out his household. This comes as a revelation to himself and to others. By no means thoughts if it’s humorous that his alpha male posturing is a entrance for one thing else (it’s not), is it even purported to be a joke?
Subsequent up we now have Stéphanie, who attends a celebration and asks the DJ to play Breakbot’s “Child I’m Yours.” She dances solo for about thirty seconds earlier than the movie cuts to Wilfried and his beau counting stars (“There should be not less than sixty-four!”). Her dancing is unremarkable—it’s not good however it doesn’t register as comically inept. I don’t know why it’s within the movie besides to determine that one onlooker within the crowd—footballer** Georges Diouf (Ralph Amoussou)—is into Stéphanie. He’s the one non-Tuche character to seem in all 4 movies (the truth is, the one non-Tuche to seem in a couple of movie).
Individually, every of the characters has about as a lot character growth, screentime, and charisma because the alien in Alien. I had even forgotten, earlier than rewatching the movie for this column, that Stéphanie and Grandma Suze have been characters. Grandma, by the best way, is absolutely the worst. She carries round a stuffed canine and speaks incomprehensibly (aside from the final line of the final movie, she is all the time subtitled). Throughout ten years and 4 movies this flaccid joke by no means modifications.
Anyway, this film has no plot, and it wasn’t even filmed in Monaco, so I received’t waste any extra phrases on it. Ensuite!
The Tuche Household: The American Dream (Les Tuche 2: Le Rêve Américain, Olivier Baroux, 2016)
In my preliminary draft of this column, I had some placeholder textual content about The Tuche Household 2 being the third worst factor to occur in 2016, however that’s a bit harsh. That is the crown jewel of the Tuche collection, a stable 3/10 movie, with some nice needle drops (instead of “Trip of the Valkyries” and Vivaldi’s The 4 Seasons, we now have Grand Funk Railroad’s “American Band” and The Edgar Winter Group’s “Free Trip”), not less than one useful joke, and Sarah Stern’s Stéphanie Tuche in some very flattering attire.
The state of affairs, as given to us by Quack-quack: The Tuche household continues to be rich (although now not residing in Monaco). Now 16, Donald is finding out at some fictional college in California to enhance his English. And he’s in love. He has met Jennifer (Alice Morel-Michaud), an alleged college scholar who seems to be even youthful than he’s. She is the scion to the wealthy asshole Carrington household, and Mr. Carrington (Ken Samuels) needs to mould Donald in his picture. So he arranges for him to affix the distinguished Epsilon fraternity. Simply the one letter. Epsilon, just like the dummy class in Courageous New World.
Anyway, Donald should resolve whether or not he’s a Carrington or a Tuche, and he should act rapidly as a result of his household has deliberate an impromptu go to for his birthday. However they land in Kansas as a substitute of California, as a result of Jeff has an abiding love for Little Home on the Prairie (by no means talked about earlier than this movie—and by no means talked about once more), they usually could make a street journey out of it. Silly however sometimes amusing issues transpire, reminiscent of when Wilfried (whose voice has gone up a number of octaves, simply as Donald’s has gone down) practices his English with phrases like “Thanks, bitch” and “Your pants are fucking good, asshole.”
As soon as they attain the Carringtons—midway by way of the movie—we now have our one well-constructed joke. Mr. Carrington—who has been misled by Donald into believing Jeff is a plastic surgeon—asks him, “You need to have performed many rhinoplasties?” Now, no cheap individual would ever ask about rhinoplasties once they might ask about boob jobs (however maintain that thought). The setup is dumb and apparent, however the payoff will not be. Jeff has no goddamn clue what he has simply been requested, so he stares blankly. Inventory footage of a rhinoceros flashes by for an prompt. And Jeff responds, “Assuredly.” I didn’t chortle at this (I did chortle at “Thanks, bitch.”), however factors for effort.
The second half of the movie drives this goodwill right into a ditch. The street journey ends, the Tuche household stays in America, and, this time, they are surely in Beverly Hills. Jeff even opens an precise clinic however advertises it like a used automotive sale, pitching his providers to these with “little boobs” (this implies fewer than two, I collect). The characters disperse, and it’s simply the primary one over again. I’m not even going to hassle describing it, besides that the story ends in Vegas with Wilfried getting homosexual married to his gardener, Juan. The primary one ended with Jeff accepting his daughter’s engagement to a Black footballer, making this the second time in a row the collection skirts uncomfortably near the plot of Serial (Unhealthy) Weddings.
Talking of which—what’s a French comedy and not using a little informal racism? No different movie within the collection sinks to this depth, however this one’s received the products! What of Georges? He’s first seen when Stéphanie walks in on him with two handfuls of groupies (“It’s not what it seems to be like!”). She leaves him, and he spends the whole movie making an attempt to win her again. Hélas, he runs afoul of America’s most infamous gangs of organized criminals: first the TSA, then the KKK, and eventually the LAPD. If he didn’t reappear within the subsequent two movies, I’d assume Georges was useless.
Lastly, we now have the uncooked sewage that’s Grandma Suze. She saves the household from peril once they discover themselves on a “Sioux” reservation. The entire sequence is as unlucky as it’s lengthy. I learn about blackface and yellowface. I don’t know if redface is a factor, however this man’s face is actually painted crimson:
Grandma can truly talk with the natives and can proceed to decorate like them for the rest of the movie, holding onto this newfound id with the tenacity of a US senator. There’s additionally some stuff concerning the Amish, however they’re not studying this, so I don’t really feel like going to bat for them. Ensuite!
The Magic Tuche (Les Tuche 3: Liberté, Égalité, FraterniTuche, Olivier Baroux, 2018)
If the final 5 years have taught us something, it’s that there’s nothing humorous a few movie star president. America had one. Ukraine, on the time of this writing, nonetheless has one. And France has had one since 2017! What if the concept that no {qualifications} was the very best qualification was a joke as a substitute of a mortifying actuality? It will be as humorous as Servant of the Individuals, for one. And far shorter. In order that’s one level in Liberté, Égalité, FraterniTuche’s favor.
Just like the others, the third movie opens with a voiceover. But it surely’s Cathy, not Donald, who’s updating us on everybody’s whereabouts. That signaled to me that one thing was deeply improper. And, the truth is, the collection is basically urgent the reset button. Donald will henceforth be ineffective. Wilfried’s marriage is dissolved within the opening minutes. His sexuality won’t ever be referenced once more. Stéphanie is reunited with Georges like nothing occurred. The writers had no thought what to do with Grandma Suze. As an alternative of killing her off, she’s now a goth rocker. Hilarious.
In some way Jeff is now the mayor of Bouzolles. When a deliberate high-speed practice cease that will join his hamlet with the remainder of France falls by way of, he makes a direct enchantment to the French president (Philippe Magnan), then decides to run for president himself. This results in the strongest act in any Tuche movie. First, Jeff’s opponents drop out of the race resulting from absurd controversies, then he should sq. off with the incumbent in a debate that’s uncomfortably near what the true presidential debate is like (a veneer of civility that rapidly devolves into barely coherent nonsense and advert hominem assaults). It’s, by some margin, my favourite scene in the entire collection.
The Tuches then settle into their new residence within the Élysée, and identical to every other time these morons settle anyplace, the movie dies. One subplot entails Jeff’s seek for a brand new prime minister, which he advertises in native companies. One in every of his skilled political advisers (Scali Delpeyrat) recommends a person named Thierry Lhermitte, not the actor (of the comedy troupe Le Splendid, star of The Jackpot!) however a “homonym.” “Oh no!” says Jeff. “He’s not a homonym, he likes ladies! Apologize instantly!” Hilarious. Later, Jeff meets Angela Merkel, the (now) former Chancellor of Germany, however she is performed by a person (François Bureloup).
Think about the comedian alternatives if Jeff had met with Sanna Marin as a substitute.
Nicolas Maury, who performs Hervé within the acclaimed tv present Name My Agent!, can be on this trash. No matter disrepute this will likely have dropped at him as an actor, it was the proper determination financially. This was the highest-grossing French movie in 2018. Ensuite!
The Tuche Household 4 (Les Tuche 4, Olivier Baroux, 2021)
Circumstantial proof (a personality carrying a “Miss Noël 2020” sash) means that the latest Tuche movie was a casualty of the pandemic, however even an act of God couldn’t preserve the Tuches down for good. Till now, the collection centered on fish-out-of-water tales, inserting the lower-class Tuche household in upper-class settings. That is the one installment to happen totally of their hometown of Bouzolles. And but, though all the opposite movies open in Bouzolles, one thing continues to be off. The household has bought a brand new residence, and so the acquainted set of the earlier three is nowhere in proof.
One thing else that’s off: All three Tuche youngsters are actually full-grown adults (a plot level within the third one is that Donald lastly “received his noodle moist”), but all of them reside underneath the identical roof. Even the latest member, Jiji (Lenny Joubij), the son of Stéphanie and Georges, lives at Grandpa’s. And wouldn’t it, Stéphanie is preggo once more! It’s not a plot level. I believe Sarah Stern was for-real pregnant, they usually simply form of labored it into the state of affairs (Reality verify: She gave delivery in spring 2020). I’m not even certain the opposite characters point out it.
what the film is about? It’s about factories. Jeff, nonetheless improbably wealthy, buys a manufacturing unit with the intention of using native staff to supply Christmas toys. His direct competitor is his personal brother-in-law, Jean-Yves, performed by Michel Blanc of the comedy troupe Le Splendid. He works for Magazone, a faceless conglomerate that could be a play on each the French phrase for store (magasin) in addition to Amazon (Simply click on on the banner after which seamlessly go about your purchases!).
So as a substitute of the standard antics, we now have a cat-and-mouse sport of company espionage. Jeff is aided by a mysterious fellow Grandma Suze discovered on Outdated Individuals Tinder named Pierre Noël (François Berléand). Contemplating that the French title for Santa Claus is Père Noël, his true id mustn’t come as an ideal shock. It’s like having an Finish Occasions thriller the place the president of the UN or Oxfam or no matter is called Andy Christ. Extra stunning is that Pierre Noël intends to bump uglies with Grandma Suze. Isn’t he a married man?
Anyway, the mixed efforts of Pierre Noël and Wilfried Tuche outcomes on this damnable abomination, Bobo the Bastard, a doll-shaped factor that claims one thing approximating to “Merry fucking Christmas! Ha ha ha.” It most likely comes alive whilst you sleep.
Even by the low requirements of this collection, The Tuche Household 4 is vacuous and conflict-free. It’s particularly galling to see Michel Blanc’s abilities wasted in such a method. Like many French comics, he seems in a whole lot of crap (he was in Aladdin with Rouve). Rouve isn’t higher than this materials, however Blanc undoubtedly is. He was the title character in Monsieur Rent, for chrissakes, one of many nice neo-noirs (and one in all Roger Ebert’s Nice Motion pictures). Seeing him slumming this badly is sort of a dagger within the coronary heart.
That is the tip of the Tuche household adventures for now. But it surely most likely received’t keep that method.
*For our British readers: You’d name this a “vagina pack.”
**For our American readers: A “soccer baller.”
Gavin McDowell is a Hoosier by delivery and French by adoption. He obtained his doctorate in “Languages, Historical past, and Literature of the Historical World from the Starting till Late Antiquity” and is presently investigating Aramaic translations of the Bible. He’s supremely unqualified to speak about movie. For extra of his unprovoked film opinions, see his Letterboxd account.
Unhealthy French Cinema Index
Half 1: French Movies with Well-known Remakes
Half 2: French Animation
Half 3: Serial (Unhealthy) Weddings
Half 4: Dwell-Motion Fairy Tales
Half 5: The Tuche Household